We nerds are a creative and inspirational bunch! We have made card games, board games, video games, table top games, dice games from the genres of fantasy to science fiction to alternative universes.
Whole worlds that reach beyond the stars, sit waiting to be explored by us, their destiny changed by our own choices at our fingertips. Heroes rise and villains fall by our hands, guiding their steps into a story and to whatever end we choose.
We create characters that break our hearts or make us cheer their next adventure, wishing to be beside them in every step they take.
We then expand on these worlds, taking what we have molded and dream of the next possibility.
But duck that! Who would win in a fight?!?!
Super Smash Bros has answered this question since 1999 and continues to do so in 2019. More characters are added to its roster, more games are represented and more fans get to settle their nerd offs across stages from years of famous levels.
Do you want to see Links legendary sword and shield clash with the fire power of Samus?! An ultimate battle of magic versus science? You can! Throw Pikachu in there too! That little yellow bastard has had it coming!
But much like when we would argue on forums, our fingers a fire of movement behind the screens of our fanboyism, we can also dream of who is to be added next to the tidal wave of characters Super Smash has assembled.
What’s more fun creating our own lists of dreams and wishes? Disagreeing with someone else’s of course!
So here is my list of characters I think should be in Smash!
Minecraft’s poster boy ( or girl! ) is the ultimate survival expert! He chops wood with his bare hands, he mines into the depths of the earth and every night he is accosted by the undead and exploding green penises. Bear Grylls never had to put up with this!
Steve would fit into the Smash world perfectly with his arsenal of weapons from which he literally crafts with his bare hands! Swords, Bows, Pickaxes, Dynamite, Fishing Rods, Chicken, Buckets of lava! Cat!
I don’t see Link building his own bloody sword, he just found it in some wood.
No opponent could withstand his manly crafting of pain and destruction! They would then be invited round to his humble house to sleep and lick their wounds till the next morning, where they dine on food prepared and farmed by Steve himself. What a man ( or woman! )
Bub and Bob
Two vicious beasts, animalistic in its purest and most dangerous form! They fear nothing while all fear them causing fighters quake in terror at the whisper of their names let alone facing the pair in the field of battle. No moves would bust them, no words would persuade them, no pin would burst their bubble!
Bub and Bob are unlikely to be added to any game as their destructive power would dominate and destroy all the competition placed before them, I doubt they could even program them into the game for legend says staring into their eyes can cause madness, the mind becoming as fragile as the bullets they spew from their deadly mouths. I shudder at even the thought of the pair.
Remember Rayman!? Exactly!
Like a Romero zombie film, these white rabid rabbits have swarmed into other games like a slow unstoppable wave of annoying since their first arrival in the early 2000s so the idea of them invading and entering the world of Smash is second nature to these spotlights stealing little terrors.
Going from party game gimmicks to billboard icons in France, their lighthearted comedy persona hides a fierce temper that can snap at any moment. Even the strong arms of Donkey Kong, the long legs of Bayonetta and the mouth of Kirby could stop the sea of such wild little fiends.
Phoenix Wright fights for justice, he fights to right the wrongs of those wronged, he fights crime itself.
Judge Judy has nothing on this shield of justice, this wall of honour and righteousness who stands behind those who need help, his mighty finger pointing to all those who wish evil upon this world.
“It’s only natural for living creatures to fight to protect their own lives. But what makes us human is that we fight for others. But who do you fight for? How hard must you fight…? That’s the true measure of what human life is worth. We defense attorneys are warriors who are constantly challenged by that question. Even when the battle is over, and the bonds that connect us are severed… We always return… Time and time again.”
Phoenix Wrights own words say he is a warrior and who would object to that!
The ultimate housewife using her homely skills of cooking, gardening and crafting to keep her family well fed and well looked after, shes just…simply divine isnt she. Her eyes like diamonds and her smile like a rainbow….oh shes in my mind!
Shes just so beautiful…oh….mama get out of my head.. Notice me!!! MAMA I LOVE YOU!!!!
1991 was the debut of the three tough toads from Rare. Oozing 90’s cool and badass attitudes, they smashed all in front of them with their cool muscles and cool shades because of how cool they were! Rash, Zitz and Pimple somehow didn’t become ongoing stars of gaming, despite being so cool, but are about to make a cool comeback on the Xbox with a brand new game that’s likely going to be cool.
The three cool Battletoads with their side scrolling skills of punching, kicking and being cool would fit into a Smash roster, likely being so cool they would simply out cool all the other fighters who aren’t from the 90’s and ooze cool like them.
In a fitting tribute, maybe their stage could be so badly designed and ridiculously difficult, with speeder bikes smashing into you every second you’re fighting! With their Smash being a controller thrown through the tv screen, an action likely caused their franchise to die to being with. Cool!!!
Ori is a being of light, created by a spirit tree as a guardian, tasked to protect all life in the forest that bore her. Ori, however, is a natural stone cold killer! Murdering her adopted parent in the first few minutes of her story, not content with doing over her parents she then causes the entire forest around her to wilt and die. Taking out the indigenous population, a few baby owls and even nature itself was a simple task for this adorable spiritual representation of climate change.
Her high pitched floating companion shows what Link can do, Ori can do with mass murder! Her Agility, magical powers and being clearly void of compassion means Ori could excel on the Smash battlefield.
John 117 was stolen from his parents as a child, literally taken from his bed to be forced into a secret experimental training programme and used by the military to create the first wave of super soldiers, replaced by a sickly clone left to die tricking parents to think their child was a tragedy unaware of the destiny before it.
One of the last Spartans not missing in action, the historic Master Chief saved the entire human race several times and inspired the soldiers of the UNSC to fight harder and not give up in the face of the religious fanatical alien race known as the Covenant.
Alongside his AI companion Cortana and armed with the classic Assault rifle, the chief is an old spartan but still humanities best hope.
Then he played second fiddle to a character played by the Knack voice actor, how embarrassing! Give the guy a break, put him in Smash!
Little honking prick! Have you ever walked remotely near a goose?! Yeah exactly, that’s why he should be in Smash. Do you want to tell him no? I don’t!