Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days review

“After a simple job ends in a blood bath, Kane and Lynch are forced to face the consequences of their actions…”

– Good voice acting (apart from Glazer’s stereotypical “cor blimey, mate” English accent)
– The handheld camera idea produces a decent platform of immersion
– The beginning of the ‘naked’ level is gruesome!
– All forms of the colourful lighting look banging!

– Crap graphics; poor character models, textures and environments. Pretty much everything is graphically poor
– Controlling the character is a bit iffy and annoying
– The cover system is utter shit
– Poor A.I.
– Delayed sound when a lot is happening on screen
– Serious framerate issues when explosions occur
– Haven’t we seen this stuff many, many, many times before?

Graphics: 4
Sound: 4
Playability: 3
Accessibility: 6
Replayability: 3


Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Ohhhhh fucking dear, Kane & Lynch. Look, I never had much hope in this game being even remotely good in the first place, but I thought they’d have at least hired a team of semi-skilled developers instead of four blind Sixth World country inhabitants slapping at a keyboard for twenty two hours a day without food or water. Fucking hell… Okay, I’m really starting to wonder if OXM were being sarcastic giving this splat of slow-roasted pig shit a nine out of ten and deeming it a “lovingly crafted, full-bodied shooter.” I’m also starting to wonder whether the handheld camera idea was just a sly way of covering up the poor graphics and very frequent visual screw-ups, such as jittery enemies and, more specifically, an invisible Kane holding a cigarette at the beginning of the “Laying Low” mission, in which they were most definitely not laying low as yet another wild gun battle ensues not long into the opening of the mission. Speaking of which, this game is yet another disgusting bottle of perfume using the same formula: running, encountering enemies, fighting them and then moving on to repeat the process not even a minute later. There’s a helicopter in there somewhere, but that’s pretty shit too. However, Kane & Lynch 2 plays much better than Dead Men, which I consider nearly unplayable with its close-to-non-existent cover system and… well, all of it sucks rhino arse actually. Remember my “wet fart” remark from last Monday? Well, this game is exactly that, only you discover a slightly more manageable amount of bum jelly clinging on, as opposed to a tub full of the stuff (a la Dead Men). That’s not to say it’s a good game in the slightest, though. I would love (complete and utter overstatement) to have experienced the multiplayer, but it appears that no-one plays this game online. Why am I not surprised? Arcade Mode isn’t anything to madly blog about either. The A.I. is horrid and the mode itself is completely dull and flat. The highlight of it is spending your naughtily earned cash on new weapons at the end of the round. Even that is way more enjoyable than the entire campaign and Arcade mode combined. But hey, at least a fucking online pass wasn’t needed for online play (or the lack of it).
Buy, rent or avoid?

For the first time on this blog, I recommend that you completely avoid this game, my dears. Are the reasons above not proof enough?
Final score: 3/10