There are loads of things in games that are rubbish from long load times to bad physics. But there are some things that are always rubbish, no matter what game or how they make it look. We’ve picked 15 bits in games that are always rubbish.
1. Pinpoint accuracy from enemies. You walk through a door into the room and every enemy swivels on the spot with perfect aim at your head. You died before you even saw who was shooting you. Perfect Dark is great example of this. On the harder challenge modes you have AI enemies running backwards around the maps hoovering up weapons who can headshot you before they even have line of sight. It’s possible to watch them aiming through walls at you from the other side of the map, always targeting your head.
2. The ‘Follow that car’ mission. Have you ever gone, god i just hope i do a follow that car mission for 10 minutes whilst driving at 10mph? No of course not. They are crap. You must stay within 50 feet of the car but if you are too close the mission is over. If you are too far away the mission is over. Driving through red lights or parking your car in the middle of the street are okay though. Time and time again these pop up, they should be awesome but they are always just rubbish.
3. The ‘Stationary turret section’. Stuck for 5 to 10 minutes on a turret that over heats and has you being battered by enemies. Who always swarm to the side of you just outside your turning circle so you can’t kill them. Dull after 30 seconds let alone 10 minutes of wave after wave of aliens.
4. The ‘Protect Natalia section’. The helpless female who has barely any health or sense of danger runs into as many bullets as possible whilst you have to protect her and yourself. It wouldn’t be so bad if they stood behind you or in cover. Instead they can’t wait to make friends with as many armed guards as possible by running through them as you try to keep up. No woman is worth that many bullet holes.
5. The ‘Stealth Section’. Metal Gear Solid is great. Lots of action, fun game play and stealth. It works really well. But when other games cram in a stealth section it just doesn’t work. The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time has a thankfully small section before you enter the castle but even that is frustrating. Fahrenheit takes it further by having guards that can spot you a mile away next to a fence but not when running across an open road.
6. The ‘Underwater Level’. We can’t think of one great underwater level. Sonic has Labyrinth Zone with it’s slow pace and the constant need to search and wait for bubbles. Even the almighty Mario 64 or Galaxy just can’t do a fun underwater level. Being underwater with limited air and movement is no fun!
7. Random QTEs in long cutscenes. You’re playing your game and then a cutscene starts. It’s been going for 5 minutes now so you can probably relax and put down the controller. HIT A!!!!! Warns the screen and you fumble for the controller only for the QTE to pass and you now have to watch the whole thing again.
8. Grinding. No not Tony Hawks which is a mostly great series of games. But grinding in RPGS. How many of you have completed FF7? I bet you got stuck just before a boss battle because your party were not a high enough level. You didn’t even skip any fights, yet you must now spend 8 hours fighting enemies on the field to level your characters up enough to defeat the boss. Grinding is never fun and a waste of game time.
9. Multiplayer specific achievements. We love multiplayer specific achievements. Getting 1000 head shots or detonating the bomb 100 times. Even more fun when the game isn’t popular or the servers are turned off.
10. The ‘one annoying bit of dialogue that’s repeated about 100 times during the boss battle’. Normally the boss saying ‘You’ll never defeat me!’ or ‘you are pathetic’ over and over and over again as they smash you into the ground with their super powerful moves. Which brings us nicely on to…
11. Enemies that can do things you cannot. Bosses that can summon the energy of the world to destroy you in one hit you cannot miss. Characters that can block your supposedly unblockable move with a flick of the wrist and finally bosses that can heal to full health when ever they want to as many times as they like.
12. Shot guns, chainsaws and super powers becoming useless against broken wooden doors and knee high walls. It’s tough being Chris in Resident Evil or that big guy from the Gears of War Games. You have shot guns, rocket launchers and chain saws yet a half broken wooden door with a lock that barely works holds back all of them. Then there is the chain link fence you cannot climb over or the knee high wall that stops you getting into that area right next to you that normally takes a 4 hour round trip.
13. Collect-o-thons. It all started with Banjo Kazooie. Collect all the Jiggies and music notes to unlock more worlds. Games added more and more things to collect until Donkey Kong 64 destroyed them all by making you collect gold bannans, coloured coded ones for each character, feathers, coins and a million other things to complete the game. Thankfully this has died out over recent years but collecting lots of rubbish is not fun!
14. Being hit and knocked over as soon as your character starts to stand up, over and over and over again. Prince of Persia: SOT comes to mind here but so do hundreds of other games. You’ve just been knocked to your feet, but before you have time to stand up and guard yourself they push you over for another kicking. Constantly repeating this till you are dead with no way to get up and out of this situation. It’s the same with boss characters that decide to jump on you and pound your face in for 3 minutes with no way of escape.
15. End credits: How many people actually need to be in these end credits? Hundreds of people work on these games and they do deserve credit but do you really need to thank the Pepsi guy for delivering fresh fizzy drinks every morning? What about the PA of the CEO who probably did nothing related to this game? This is before you get into the hundreds of testers and then the lists for people working in Europe, Japan, America etc. All i want to do is see the end scene if there is one and save my game. Why does the text move so slow, just speed it up!
One rubbish bit in games that deserves it’s own dedicated section. ‘There is an update for your game, Press X to continue’. That’s right, updating a game on the PS3. You’ve spent 17 hours just downloading the game from the PSN. You are then ready to start your game but oh no it wants to update, hopefully it’ll be quick. No another 5 hours for a 2.3gig patch. Once that is done you restart and it wants to download more updates. 3 days after you have downloaded all of the updates to the game you are finally ready to play. Except now the console wants to run a firmware update. Soddit, lets just go outside where we don’t have to spend days updating games that should be updated before we download them.